I have an incredible update to the original Allen Toilet Story!!
First - The Apology
Second - The Fix
I'd like to make a hear felt apology to my loving wife regarding the 2 year long Allen Toilet Saga. It seems as though there has been a totally different culprit this entire time. We've made the mistake of inviting a lovely lifelong female companion of Christie's into our house several times and unbenounced to us this companion has a lifelong reputation of permanently wrecking havoc on toilets of all shapes and sizes. So bad in fact, random people have been called to the scene several times to unclog a toilet that was so incredibly clogged no female has ever successfully been able to unclog them.
Location: Athens, GA (2002)
Unclogger: Rob Allen
I'm sure that this person has been the cause of several toilet wrecking instances that I'm not aware of but I'd like to share 3 seperate instances that I personally have knowledge of. The first occurred in Athens, GA at the River Club apartment complex. I arrived at the apartment after a long drive up from Ocala, Fl and was told that the first order of business was to unclog this incredible mess of a toilet. I opened the lid to something undescribably foul! It seemed as though the perpetrator had made several unsuccessful attempts no less than 24 hours earlier to unclog this toilet themselves and decided to give up until a trained professional could come take over. Without going into great detail this toilet took no less than 15 minutes to unclog and required a mask, gloves and tons of will power. It wasn't until earlier this year when the Allen Toilet Story!! took place that I personally witnessed anything on the River Club toilet level.
Location: Vinings, GA (2006)
Unclogger: Dave Warren
I personally wasn't involved with this particular case but the story was relayed to me in "Great Detail" of which I will share with you here. The wife decided to host a "Girls Night In" that ended up turning incredibly "crappy". It seemed as though this perpetrator was in attendance at this particular event and struck again! This time it happened in the middle of the night and seeing as how only one toilet was available an innocent bystander was called to the seen. The chivalrous Dave Warren was called over to unclog a hideous mess of a toilet of which he was personally not responsible. It seems like the perp is very good at clogging but terrible at unclogging. None the less, after several attempts the clog was indeed removed and the thankful ladies sent Mr. Warren away with much gratitude. Mr. Warren was quoted as saying "I've seen a lot of s%&# in my day but this s%&# was out of control! I wasn't aware a female could ruin a toilet like that".
Location: Smyrna, GA (August 20, 2010)
Unclogger: The perps father
I was away on a close friends bachelor party in Fernandina Beach, Fl when I was alerted that the perp had struck again. This time they struck at the Allen House, AGAIN!! It seems as though while I was away the wife decided to have another girls night in of which the perp was in attendance. I was told that the perp caused such a clog that several girls completely exhausted themselves to the point of severe muscle fatigue and were unsuccessful at unclogging this wrecked toilet. Of course as in most other cases the perp was involved with; an innocent bystander needed to be called to the scene. This time the perps father was asked to make a house call. He was quoted as saying "Wow, I haven't had to unclog something of this nature since right before you moved out". Apparently this is nothing new to the father. This clog was apparently no match for him as he has incredible experience at clogs of this nature as he's been servicing them for the past 32 years of his life for his beloved daughter. Again, the ladies sent the much appreciated father on his way very thankful for the service he had once again performed.
The fix:
After this last case on our very finicky toilet the decision was made that we needed to replace this toilet in its entirety. The wife and I were sure that the toilet would never be the same again. So, after a consultation from the Father in Law a proper toilet was selected from the local Home Depot. This toilet touts a 10/10 toilet flushing power rating. It says right on the box that this very toilet is capable of flushing an entire basket of golf balls without a clog. Of course with all of the toilet problems that the Allens have experienced and knowing that the perp would be coming over several times more there was really no other option except this incredible toilet. The call was made to the Father in Law for assistance with the toilet installation and the date was set for today. As with most handyman projects that I attempt this one would prove to be just as head shakingly awkward as the rest of them. All though (WWSD) was scheduled to come over and help from start to finish I decided to go ahead and attempt the swap out myself. Of course I consulted the internet for several how to videos before I attempted the swap out; and just like always they make it look soo incredibly easy. I was confident I would be able to make this repair with no outside assistance and prove that my handyman abilities have been constantly improving. First I turned the water valve to the toilet off and removed the hose from the toilet. Next came the bolts holding the toilet to the floor and finally lifted the toilet off of the wax seal and onto the floor. Just like the video said I would need to remove the old wax before I was able to put the new toilet in place. The video was very adamant about not letting any of the was enter the pipe. I was very careful to not let this happen but of course I wasn't careful enough as plop I dropped a big hunk of wax right down into the drain. At this very moment the wife came home and was shocked to see the old toilet sitting out on the porch but her father was nowhere in site. Of course this shocking reality required a few questions like "I thought my dad was helping you", "so, how's it coming along", "are you sure you've got that". Of course I do babe, I'm just sprinting downstairs where I hope a wax removal tool of some sort can be located and the hunk of was in the pipe could be removed. Of course as every good handyman does I removed every speck of was from this pipe and I'd like to think it's even better now than before I started with it. The next task in the process was to update the water supply to this decade and unfortunately required a trip to the local ACE Hardware. Once I arrived at the local ACE and showed the gentleman what I was in need of he made the statement "dang son, I haven't seen a set up like that in 20 years of running this hardware store" He asked me several questions as to which I wasn't able to answer any and he sent me on my way with everything that I needed. After I got back I was to turn off the main water supply as instructed by the helpful ACE guy. After several minutes of second guessing which one of the many knobs to turn under the house I closed my eyes and turned the red knob which I hoped was the right one. To me this was just like standing in front of nuclear reactor and deciding which one of buttons would blow up the world and which one would save it. I know this is probably elementary for most but unfortunately not for me. After I successfully chose the right knob it was back up to change the water supply. Unfortunately, I didn't have everything that I needed and I was back up to ACE in need of more information from the helpful ACE guy. He was again shocked at what I brought him but he was able to give me what I needed. So, I was back to the house and quickly and successfully replaced the water supply and was just getting ready to fit the toilet in the right place when WWSD showed up to lend his expertise and helpful hand. Of course, once he arrived and saw what I had started with out him he had his own set of questions "tell me exactly what you've done so far", did you use pipe dope", (I still have no idea what pipe dope is but my use of teflon tape seemed to be sufficient), "who told you how to do all of this" of course my response was what do you mean; there's really nothing to this: ) With his help the rest of the install was pulled of seamlessly and our new super flush toilet is now installed. The only thing I'm worried about plunging out of the toilet now is Christie since this toilet has some incredible suction.
As for the perpetrator mentioned above I have no choice but to leave her nameless as I've been told there are several legal cases pending regarding this matter. We've been contacted by River Club and The Gables requesting statements about what exactly happened to each of the toilets. The manufacturer of the Allen toilet have offered to purchase our toilet for testing. Apparently, they've never seen a toilet go through this much abuse, EVER.
It goes without saying that this stands as one of the happiest days of our lives as we hope to NEVER have to use a plunger again.
Please stay tuned as we hope to have a golf ball flushing party soon!!
-Rob
Monday, August 23, 2010
A Toilet Story
February 3rd, 2010
Let me first set the scene....
I get home from work about 8 o'clock. I have one of those headaches that make you cross eyed. Light of any kind brings excruciating pain and the only way that you think it will go away is to sleep it off and hope that it went away over night. I immediately retire to the back sofa and plan to call it a night...... I'll pick up from here in a moment.
Most of you may know that we have a finiky toilet. It's very susceptible to clogs and we (sorry, I) have to plunge it about once or twice a month. Now, me being the one who unclogs the toilet every time, I'm very careful about what goes into the toilet and how much I flush the toilet. Apparently, (and as you'll soon know to be very true) Christie does not use this same caution with our finiky toilet.
So back to me being half dead on the back sofa trying to call it a night. I hear Christie go in to use the toilet. This immediately wakes me from my coma as I always pay close attention to what she's doing behind that closed door; because at any moment Christie could come running out of the bathroom with hands in the air screaming that the toilet is overflowing and that I need to go stop it. Now, I've explained to Christie several times that if this happens there's a water shutoff valve behind the toilet and that she can turn this off and the water wont raise anymore. I've explained to her that this shutoff valve works much like the hot/cold water valve on the sink or shower. Still any hint of an overflow and here comes Christie, hands in the air and screaming "overflow, overflow". Gotta Love her!! So, as I was saying, Christie finishes up in the bathroom and out she comes. I didn't hear the gurgle from the toilet so I yelled out that the toilet might be overflowing. I hear running footsteps into the bathroom and then I hear her say "Nope, everything is fine". (Now remember this comment. It will prove priceless here in a moment.) So, I doze off back to sleep until I wake up and feel the need to use the facility myself. I do my business (#1 BTW, I don't want anyone to be able to blame me for any of this) and go to flush and wah lah, we have a clog. I bend down to use the shutoff valve and pain shoots down my back as we all know bending over is painful with a horrible headache. As much as I didn't feel like it last night I went out to get my trusty plunger and went back in to do my perfected Allen House Toilet Plunge. Now, remember what Christie said; "Nope, everythings fine". I can unclog our toilet in less than 8 plunges and 10 seconds now so I know it's 30 - 45 seconds before I'm back on the couch so I get to work, except this time, it doesn't work. I'm really aggravated now as my perfect plunge record is now in jeopardy and I feel like crap but oh well I have to get it done. I start plunging this toilet like a mad man. I'm going at it so bad that it makes P90X look like a walk in the park. Keep in mind, every stroke of my trusty plunger is sending a shock wave to the precise area of my head that I wish that I could permanently remove. After literally 30 minutes of plunging I go to plan B, the internet!
After reading all about toilets and clogs I did get some sense of comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone on this thing and many other people have experienced this same thing before. I decided to try the first piece of advice. Use a wire coat hanger to dislodge the clog by sticking it up the toilet hole. By the way, this is the single dumbest thing to try as the coat hanger bends and jostles all over the place and doesn't get very far up the drain anyway, STUPID!
Plan C was a toilet snake, which I now know is actually a drain snake. I purchased one of these before and it didn't work very well but I decided to try it again anyway. This thing is about 10 foot long, cumbersome and a total waste of time. It doesn't go where it's suppose to go and the other 9 feet of it is slapping all around the bath tub and who knows where else. Yes, I still have an excruciating headache that has now been worsened by the aggravation and physical effort that I've put into all of this. So, after the snake thing went terribly wrong I'm on to Plan D.
Plan D is a combination of laundry soap, dish soap and hot water. Yes, according to Google this is a very viable way to unclog your toilet. For the next hour I proceeded to dump 30 gallons of hot water and half a gallon of laundry detergent down that damn toilet and still nothing. Remember Christie saying "Nope, everything is fine".
At this point it's about 10:30 and this toilet has got about two and a half hours of my life that I'll never get back. At this point Christie is turning yellow as she's probably had to pee since about 9 o'clock or so. She finally asks, "Should you call my Dad?"? Well as we all know in the Allen household trying to live up to WWSD (what would Sam do) is very challenging at times. I respond back to her with "Nope, everything is fine" : ) But, honestly it's looking like this toilet may get the best of me so I call a plumber. I was told the charge would be somewhere between $150-$300 to come out in the middle of the night. That wasn't happening so back to the internet I go.
Plan E happened to be something called a toilet auger. I watched several Youtube videos on how this amazing contraption worked so quick and easy and how everyone should have one because it would save you a ton of money for a plumber in the middle of the night and your father in law would never have to come bail you out of a jam if you had one of these things. SWEET, I'm getting one, right away. Whoops, Home Depot and Lowes are closed. The guys at Wal Mart barely knew that they had a plumbing department so it looked like i was SOL.
Plan F is to wake up at 5:45 this morning and go get one of these $50 toilet augers for myself. (I'm sure Sam has 1 or probably 3 of them but it was much better this way). In the meantime Me, Christie and Emily all go out to use the restroom in the backyard before bed together. Christie for some reason feels the need to hose off in the shower now for some strange reason. For as much as I could see looked like she performed quite well in the back yard??
So, 5:45 is here and off to HD I go. I walk right in and BAM there's my saving grace. My very own $50 industrial toilet auger. I'm back at home by 6:10 with this thing in the toilet and about 9 seconds after that EUREKA I can feel that I've got a hold of something..... what could it be? I actually pause for a few seconds and try to guess. A few things ran through my head but none of them were what I was about to pull out of this toilet. I back down the toilet auger and out comes a...............................
SOCK!?!?!? Really, a Team in Training female running sock was in my toilet? I sat and pondered, how long was this in there and how did it get in there? I woke up the wife and she came in and did what Christie always does.... begin to laugh hysterically. "Oh, haha, I must have dropped that in the toilet last night before I got in the shower." Really Christie? How in the heck did you manage to flush that thing down the toilet without knowing it. "Oh, hahaa, I have no idea that's crazy" I have no idea either.
So, what did we learn?
1st. Almost anything can be flushed down a toilet. Even a sock!?!?!?
2nd. A toilet auger will save you money for a plumber and a trip from the father in law.
3rd. This stuff always happens to me.
Enjoy!!
Let me first set the scene....
I get home from work about 8 o'clock. I have one of those headaches that make you cross eyed. Light of any kind brings excruciating pain and the only way that you think it will go away is to sleep it off and hope that it went away over night. I immediately retire to the back sofa and plan to call it a night...... I'll pick up from here in a moment.
Most of you may know that we have a finiky toilet. It's very susceptible to clogs and we (sorry, I) have to plunge it about once or twice a month. Now, me being the one who unclogs the toilet every time, I'm very careful about what goes into the toilet and how much I flush the toilet. Apparently, (and as you'll soon know to be very true) Christie does not use this same caution with our finiky toilet.
So back to me being half dead on the back sofa trying to call it a night. I hear Christie go in to use the toilet. This immediately wakes me from my coma as I always pay close attention to what she's doing behind that closed door; because at any moment Christie could come running out of the bathroom with hands in the air screaming that the toilet is overflowing and that I need to go stop it. Now, I've explained to Christie several times that if this happens there's a water shutoff valve behind the toilet and that she can turn this off and the water wont raise anymore. I've explained to her that this shutoff valve works much like the hot/cold water valve on the sink or shower. Still any hint of an overflow and here comes Christie, hands in the air and screaming "overflow, overflow". Gotta Love her!! So, as I was saying, Christie finishes up in the bathroom and out she comes. I didn't hear the gurgle from the toilet so I yelled out that the toilet might be overflowing. I hear running footsteps into the bathroom and then I hear her say "Nope, everything is fine". (Now remember this comment. It will prove priceless here in a moment.) So, I doze off back to sleep until I wake up and feel the need to use the facility myself. I do my business (#1 BTW, I don't want anyone to be able to blame me for any of this) and go to flush and wah lah, we have a clog. I bend down to use the shutoff valve and pain shoots down my back as we all know bending over is painful with a horrible headache. As much as I didn't feel like it last night I went out to get my trusty plunger and went back in to do my perfected Allen House Toilet Plunge. Now, remember what Christie said; "Nope, everythings fine". I can unclog our toilet in less than 8 plunges and 10 seconds now so I know it's 30 - 45 seconds before I'm back on the couch so I get to work, except this time, it doesn't work. I'm really aggravated now as my perfect plunge record is now in jeopardy and I feel like crap but oh well I have to get it done. I start plunging this toilet like a mad man. I'm going at it so bad that it makes P90X look like a walk in the park. Keep in mind, every stroke of my trusty plunger is sending a shock wave to the precise area of my head that I wish that I could permanently remove. After literally 30 minutes of plunging I go to plan B, the internet!
After reading all about toilets and clogs I did get some sense of comfort in knowing that I wasn't alone on this thing and many other people have experienced this same thing before. I decided to try the first piece of advice. Use a wire coat hanger to dislodge the clog by sticking it up the toilet hole. By the way, this is the single dumbest thing to try as the coat hanger bends and jostles all over the place and doesn't get very far up the drain anyway, STUPID!
Plan C was a toilet snake, which I now know is actually a drain snake. I purchased one of these before and it didn't work very well but I decided to try it again anyway. This thing is about 10 foot long, cumbersome and a total waste of time. It doesn't go where it's suppose to go and the other 9 feet of it is slapping all around the bath tub and who knows where else. Yes, I still have an excruciating headache that has now been worsened by the aggravation and physical effort that I've put into all of this. So, after the snake thing went terribly wrong I'm on to Plan D.
Plan D is a combination of laundry soap, dish soap and hot water. Yes, according to Google this is a very viable way to unclog your toilet. For the next hour I proceeded to dump 30 gallons of hot water and half a gallon of laundry detergent down that damn toilet and still nothing. Remember Christie saying "Nope, everything is fine".
At this point it's about 10:30 and this toilet has got about two and a half hours of my life that I'll never get back. At this point Christie is turning yellow as she's probably had to pee since about 9 o'clock or so. She finally asks, "Should you call my Dad?"? Well as we all know in the Allen household trying to live up to WWSD (what would Sam do) is very challenging at times. I respond back to her with "Nope, everything is fine" : ) But, honestly it's looking like this toilet may get the best of me so I call a plumber. I was told the charge would be somewhere between $150-$300 to come out in the middle of the night. That wasn't happening so back to the internet I go.
Plan E happened to be something called a toilet auger. I watched several Youtube videos on how this amazing contraption worked so quick and easy and how everyone should have one because it would save you a ton of money for a plumber in the middle of the night and your father in law would never have to come bail you out of a jam if you had one of these things. SWEET, I'm getting one, right away. Whoops, Home Depot and Lowes are closed. The guys at Wal Mart barely knew that they had a plumbing department so it looked like i was SOL.
Plan F is to wake up at 5:45 this morning and go get one of these $50 toilet augers for myself. (I'm sure Sam has 1 or probably 3 of them but it was much better this way). In the meantime Me, Christie and Emily all go out to use the restroom in the backyard before bed together. Christie for some reason feels the need to hose off in the shower now for some strange reason. For as much as I could see looked like she performed quite well in the back yard??
So, 5:45 is here and off to HD I go. I walk right in and BAM there's my saving grace. My very own $50 industrial toilet auger. I'm back at home by 6:10 with this thing in the toilet and about 9 seconds after that EUREKA I can feel that I've got a hold of something..... what could it be? I actually pause for a few seconds and try to guess. A few things ran through my head but none of them were what I was about to pull out of this toilet. I back down the toilet auger and out comes a...............................
SOCK!?!?!? Really, a Team in Training female running sock was in my toilet? I sat and pondered, how long was this in there and how did it get in there? I woke up the wife and she came in and did what Christie always does.... begin to laugh hysterically. "Oh, haha, I must have dropped that in the toilet last night before I got in the shower." Really Christie? How in the heck did you manage to flush that thing down the toilet without knowing it. "Oh, hahaa, I have no idea that's crazy" I have no idea either.
So, what did we learn?
1st. Almost anything can be flushed down a toilet. Even a sock!?!?!?
2nd. A toilet auger will save you money for a plumber and a trip from the father in law.
3rd. This stuff always happens to me.
Enjoy!!
